singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
