fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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