My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
