Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
