They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
where am i from again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
