he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
