She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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