i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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