i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
