kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
