**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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