I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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