a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
