Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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