these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
