New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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