chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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