Just mADE A PArabola og urine
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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