my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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