I cannot find my penis.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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