Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
