He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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