Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
