260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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