Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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