Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
