you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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