I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
