This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
