Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
