Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am naked and annoyed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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