Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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