Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
