Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Still dying that you shit outside
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
