I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
