I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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