A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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