I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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