he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
