I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
