Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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