6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
