I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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