Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
