you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
