Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
