so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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