You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
