i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
