she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
