if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
