You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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