i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
