She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
