you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
