when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
