My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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