I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
