some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
