whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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