How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
