i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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