Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
