I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
