i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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