he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
