well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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