I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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