Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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