I never want to see another naked old woman again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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