My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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