Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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