ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
