I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
