Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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