I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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