If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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