I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
