I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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