hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
