Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
