it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
