yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
