dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
