I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
