Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize