cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
