Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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