the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
