Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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