I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
