Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
