So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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