Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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