she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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